Community: Morally Upstanding Kombat

A Community Fan Fiction by Loki100

Abed: Hello, I'm Abed Nadir.
Annie: And I'm Annie Edison, and we're coming to you live from Shang Tsung's Island.
Abed: That's right Annie, it's the tenth Mortal Kombat Tournament, and if the Earthrealm loses, we're all going to either die or be enslaved.
Annie: I'm certainly not looking foreward to that Abed.
Abed: Neither am I. But let's go live down to the field where the contestants are warming up.
Annie: This match is sure to be a nailbiter, as these two have a long rivalry.
Abed: Yes they do Annie. In the $500 blue jeans and the far too tight shirt is Jeff "Tinkletown" Winger.
Annie: He does not like that nickname, Abed.
Abed: No he does not. And it was given to him by his opponent today, Shirley "Big Chedar" Bennett.
Annie: She's looking pretty tough. For more on this rivalry, we're going to turn now to our Mortal Kombat expert, Britta. Britta, are you there?
….
Annie: Britta?

Annie: We're experiencing some technical difficulties at the moment, we'll be back with–
Britta: Hello? Can anyone here me?
Annie: Britta? Are you there?
Britta: Oh, hi, hello, how are you?
Annie: We're good here, Britta.
Abed: As long as we don't die horribly when the masses of Outworld slaughter their way across the Earthrealm.
Britta: I think we need to look at this from Outworld's perspective. Maybe to them…
Annie: Ugh, really Britta? You have to take Outworld's side in this?
Britta: We don't know… they could… well… okay, I've got nothing. But we shouldn't judge them!
Annie: Just tell us about the fight.
Britta: Well, Jeff is terrible at sex and I've never had sex with Shirley, so I really can't comment.
Annie: Wait? We flew you all the way out here for that? You're the worst!
Britta: I'm trying my hardest! Look, I haven't even answered one of Shang Tsungs's text messages. We used to date.
Annie: This just in, Britta slept with a evil demon sorcerer trying to take over the planet, and I'm completely unsurprised.
Abed: Looks like the fight is about to start.
Annie: They're circling each other, sizing each other up.
Jeff: Friendship is when a group of people…
Abed: Saw this coming, Jeff's first move is a friendship speech. It took Troy out in the first round.
Annie: Those things are lethal. But it doesn't seem to be working, Shirley looks bored.
Abed: OH NO! Shirley just threw a crucifix into his mouth. Now that's marksmanship!
Annie: Wait… the crucifix is on a chain, she's pulling Jeff tongue first, oh fist to the face… and Jeff is down!
Abed: Things are not looking good for Jeff. Shirley's got a tray of mini pies and… OH she smashed them right on Jeff's head.
Annie: This might be a shut out.
Abed: Jeff's crawling away… he's back on his feet. Oh no!
Annie: Jeff just took his shirt off! Shirley's blinded by his intense attractiveness.
Abed: This is Jeff's chance to turn things around…He's giving her the Forest Whitaker eye.
Jeff: 'sup! 'sup!
Annie: Shirley's dazed and confused.
Abed: Jeff's going in for the kill.
Annie: Wait! Shirley was just faking. She dodges. She grabs Jeff by the back of his head! OH NO!
Abed: The Jukebox fatality! Who didn't see that coming?
Annie: Let's go down to the ring, where Britta is talking to today's winner.
Britta: How did you manage to recover?
Shirley: The good Lord gave me the strength to overcome seeing Jeff's… from being blinded by the sunlight coming off his skin.
Britta: Was there ever a point where you thought you might not be able to pull of a victory?
Shirley: Have you seen Jeff?
Britta: Are you ready to fight Shang Tsung?
Shirley: I'm already baking a fresh batch of mini pies.
Britta: Shang Tsung! I love! Take me back! Please, please I'll do anything.
Annie: Desperate words from a desperate woman.
Abed: Coming to you live from Shang Tsung Island, I'm Abed Nadir.
Annie: And I'm Annie Edison.
Abed: Good night, and hopefully you won't be brutally murdered by an interdimensional hoard.