Brittaing It

A Community Fan Fiction by Loki100

Jeff walked into Troy and Abed's to find Britta sitting in the blanket fort with Abed.

"Jeff, come in and join us," she said smiling.

"What's going on?" he asked, "I'm assuming you don't actually have a crate of that illegal Iranian shampoo?"

"That shampoo really works for you," Abed interjected.

"It's fantastic," he said, "Britta, why am I here?"

"Because as a trained mental artist, I think you and Abed have some unresolved tension."

"Unresolved tension?"

"Like Batman and Catwoman. They clearly loved each other in the animated series, but could never consummate it."

"That's tragic," Britta said, "Isn't that tragic, Jeff?"

"Yeah, Fox Kids' standards and practices department really did a number on that show," Abed continued.

"I think I'm going to leave," Jeff said turning towards the door.

"No, no, no!" Britta said jumping up, "Let me just put on some music!" She put her used ipod into the port and soon the dulcet tones of One Direction's "What Makes You Beautiful" filled the apartment as Britta danced awkwardly. "Now Jeff," she said, "Why don't you dance with Abed?"

"I'm not dancing with Abed."

"I don't think you're supposed to dance to this music."

"I'm really going to go now," Jeff said.

"Stop!" Britta cried, "I've got Zimas!" She tossed him a clear bottle which he didn't even bother to catch.

"I don't think they still make that brand," Abed said.

"I got them on sale." Jeff and Abed just looked at her. "It's not like liquor goes bad!"

"As much as I would love to stick around and drink weird expired alcohol and listen to this delightful caterwauling, I've got to go."

"Jeff!" Britta cried, "You haven't even told us about the first time you had sex with a man."

"Okay, Dr. Kinsey, I'm getting the impression you want me to bang Abed. I'm not banging Abed."

"And you think you know everything, don't you? I'm not trying to get you to bang Abed. I'm trying to get you to bang me… and Abed at the same time. And you're making it really difficult."

"I'm not having a threesome with you and Abed."

"Why? Are you a coward?" she asked.

"No one calls me a coward!" Jeff said, turning and taking off his pants.

"This is just like Back to the Future Part 2," Abed said.

And then they banged, right there on the floor.