Introduction to Community Literature: A Tale of Two Colleges

 

by Joe Propinka

"It was the best of times, it was the Brittaest of times, it was the age of meta, it was the age of butt stuff, it was the epoch of Laser Lotuses, it was the epoch of the lazy man's atheism, it was the timeline without a dice roll, it was the timeline where Jeff rolled a 1, it was the spring of secret trampolines, it was the winterdoodle of Mister Winter, we had six seasons and a movie before us, we had the Cape's cancellation before us, we were all going direct to Morty's Steakhouse, we were all going direct to Spanish 101 – in short, the semester was so far like the present semester, that some of the most gender-dysmorphically costumed authorities insisted on its being received, for good or Pierce, toward the bachelor's degree of graduation only.

"There were a Winger with a stubbled jaw and a Dean with a bald head, in the halls of Greendale; there were a Chang in a large vent and a Dean with a toy tank, in the halls of City College. On both campuses it was realer than Neil to the servers of the Cafeteria preserves of Let's chips and chicken fingers, that paintball in general was overdone for ever."

The Prate Perry, or, Trimalchio at the Northwestern Part of the Greendale Area

"And as Jeff sat there, brooding on his unflattering jeans, he thought of Perry's wonder when she first picked out the psychology major at the end of Abed's catatonia. She had come a long way to this ridiculous conclusion and her analogy must have seemed so close that she could hardly fail to ruin it. She did not know that it was already blown, somewhere back in that vast obscurity beyond the part about thoughts in hats, where the dark squares of the Dreamatorium morphed on under Abed's direction. Perry believed in the green Scantrons, the psychiatric future that term by term recedes before her. It eluded her then, but that’s no matter — tomorrow she will turn it into a snake faster, stretch out her arms farther…. And one fine morning —
So she'll bleat on, popping rafts against the current, failed back ceaselessly out of the class."