Community 3: Cruise Control

A Fan Fiction by Loki100


"Quick Britta," Jeff said running into the library, breathing heavily. "We have to have sex."

"I don't see a gym bag full of nickles in your hand," Britta said, sarcastically.

"I have a bomb…"

"Better you have a bomb than an unmanned drone flying into Pakistan."

"No, I have a bomb attached to my balls! If I don't bang every ten minutes, I'll explode."

"That's the worst pick up line I've ever heard."

"Hey, Britta, I heard that Chang is really trying to crack down on people banging in the library."

"What? What is this? Poland? Jeff you have to protest bang me right now."

So Jeff took off his pants and they started banging. Britta yawned, took out her phone and started texting.

Jeff heaved, and then asked, "Who are you texting?" He was obviously deeply offended.

"I'm trying to text Abed, I saw a squirrel that looked just like him today."

"You can't be texting while we're banging."

"Well, there's no TV here."


"When we banged in your apartment I always had the TV on mute with subtitles. It's how I got caught up on The View."

They heard a buzzing noise behind them, and then Abed flopped on Jeff's back, "Pop quiz hotshot, if you don't keep banging, you'll explode. What do you do?"

"Oh hi, Abed," Britta said, happily, "I saw a squirrel today…"

"What are you doing here?" Jeff screamed.

"Oh, I'm trying to diffuse the bomb." He moved back behind them for a moment, and then popped up, holding some electronic equipment. "Looks like Greendale is saved."

"Finally," Britta said, shoving Jeff off her. "No, that was really great, Jeff."

"That's it! I just wasn't at my best!" Jeff cried. "We'll do this again!" he screamed as she walked away. "On a boat!"

"That sounds terrible," Abed said.